Crush it TV – Episode 002 – How to deal with the dreaded Imposter Syndrome
Welcome to Episode 002 where we welcome Corinne Worsley to the show to discuss all things Imposter Syndrome. Where does it come from, how does it manifest itself and what can we do to move beyond feeling like we’re going to get ‘found out’ any minute now
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Jessica: So welcome to crush it with confidence and it’s our second episode today and it’s the first time we actually having a lovely guest on. So I’m really excited for that today. And if you’re here live, say hi. So we know you’re there. Natasha, is there hey, if you’re watching the replay do the same thing. If you like what we’re talking about, press the heart button, that keeps it at the top of the group and other people will get notified and um, yeah, I’m really excited to talk about a topic today that’s quite important to a lot of us, it’s very close to my heart because I feel like it’s stopping so many of us from achieving our full potential. That’s why this was one of the first things that I wanted to talk about.
Before we get started, I just wanted to say that you are free to ask questions, share your stories, share your thoughts, particularly if there’s something that you’ve experienced before. I would love to know about that.I’ve got the comments open on my phone so I can see if anyone is chiming in and then if there are any questions that we need to come back to, we’ll either answer them if it fits into the conversation or we’ll go through them at the end. And so with that said, I would like to welcome Corinne today, Corinne helps professional men and women figure out who they really are, what they really want, how to live life on their terms and she’s almost a qualified personal trainer, that’s a bit different. So I want to hear more about that today. So hello to Corinne and welcome to the show. Thank you for taking the time to actually come on today and talk about this little nasty negative feeling that we all get. At some point that we’re just not good enough. So before we actually dive in on the details with that, I would love to hear a little bit more about you. So tell us a little bit about what you actually do right now.
Corinne: Okay. So hello everyone. Nice to be here with you all. So what I actually do right now is coaching, which I know a lot of people are like, well, what the Hell actually is coaching? And really it’s about, in particular helping professional women and also some men because I used to work in corporate finance I was an IT consultant for 12 years and decided that that wasn’t for me anymore. And I also am really aware of the struggles that everybody, that people, everybody, some people go through when they’re in that world. So I wanted to be available to help other people too, to kind of assess their lives and say this, this isn’t feeling right. Something is missing here am I. This was not my plan, you know, kind of. I definitely ended up down this career rabbit hole. I was climbing this ladder, climbing this ladder, and I was like, well, where is this ladder even going?
Am I on the wrong ladder? I possibly am, and it was just, I kind of got in to that hamster wheel and it kind of got a bit out of control. And then then I got to a point where I was like, I can’t carry on anymore without taking a step back and saying this was not my plan when I was like 10 years old. This is not how I wanted my life to turn out. So the coaching, the, it really is about getting people back in touch with who they really are, what they really want, reality checking, the crazy talk and the inner critic. Looking at stories that we tell ourselves, the limiting beliefs that we live our lives by. Where did we get them from? It totally floats my boat to really open people’s eyes and wake them up to this idea that so many of us are living by based on rules and ideas and beliefs that aren’t ours. They were given to us. We don’t have to live by them. We get to choose, you get to live a different way. And so many of us are just limiting ourselves based on what everybody else is doing. And I just think, we’re not sheep. You know, if everybody else is walking off the edge of a cliff, we wouldn’t do it. So why? Why do we believe that we need to kind of feel the crowd and the inner kind of nutshell. That’s what I do. And the personal training thing is – I knew I wanted to do something different. A passion for fitness and movement. I just love to be moving all the time, but I also knew from my own journey with training that a trainer could tell me what to eat and they could tell me how to train and that was the easy bit.
The difficult bit was getting to grips with what the hell is going on my mind that I’m now eating this stuff I know is sabotaging my attempts to get to a certain level of fitness or the I’m not going to the gym. I’m not doing that workout, so that’s why I wanted to combine the two things, the coaching and the PT because I didn’t feel like just the physical training was enough to really help those clients that are having these struggles with their identity, their self image is preventing them achieving their goals. It’s funny how like we’re like a stumbling block and I’ve that myself so
Jessica: It’s funny how we can be our biggest stumbling block.Many times when you just like, Hey, I just need to get done this one thing and suddenly it’s like everything on planet earth seems to be against you to stop you from actually doing that. And that is so frustrating because like you’re saying, you know, just doing the physical exercise or just trying to eat healthy, it’s not that simple. And it’s the same when you run a business just saying, hey, I’m running a business now. That’s a good step, but there’s got to be more happening after that. So just out of interest, what was your plan when you were 10 years old?
Corinne: Well, when I was 10, I was like, I can do whatever the hell I want. Basically. I had so many different career ideas as a youngster, so the likelihood was Career and Purpose was going to be very important for me. I think at age 10, I was going to be an actress,possibly thought I was going to be a jockey. I’m not sure I might have grown to the point at which I realized being a jockey was not going to work out for me. There were so many different career ideas along the way, which I think makes it hard sometimes. But whether anybody else experienced it when you don’t have that vocation and also you’re pretty good at a lot of things. So what do I choose? I went initially down the languages route, cos i’m a Linguist. So that was what I was best at. So that was the route that I’ve followed and then i won’t bore you with the crazy career path that I took after that. That took me to being an IT and finance consultant, but this is Career number 4, let’s put it that way.
Jessica: That’s really interesting. That’s why I asked because I think most people I’ve spoken to recently are on the same boat, they’re saying, hey, I never had this one thing that I actually wanted to do, so I wonder if that’s kind of related to how we run our businesses because we feel like there are still so many things that we haven’t done, haven’t learned about, haven’t explored and we feel like we’re almost missing out on something. So we’re kind of trying to clutch at everything that we would possibly like to do. An I know that there’s a lot of people in this group because you know, some of the members I’ve known for some time through my previous group. So a lot of them struggle to find the one thing that they should focus their energy on right now. And I wonder sometimes if that also leads to us feeling like, who are we to to do this? Who are we to be delivering this service? Who Are we to be coaching people? Who are we to be, you know, because we feel like we haven’t specialized in anything. Do you think that that sometimes plays into it, like wanting to do all the things and not having this one thing?
Corinne: Yeah, I think it probably does, that kind of thought that: I’m not a specialist enough and I think there may well be an element of I didn’t decide at age 12 I was going to be a coach. It wasn’t what I always wanted to do for the rest of my life. Therefore I’m not as legitimate as that person over there who their entire goal or dream in life has been to become a master coach or whatever. And I think perhaps even the fear of missing out and the reaching for so many different things is because we allow ourselves to do that. Especially when you’re running a business, you’ve got to be so focused and this is what I’m learning to do here, but it’s almost like that doubt and that imposter syndrome. Then it kind of allows us. We use it as an excuse to be like, why don’t we just investigate this thing over here? Let me just investigate and not commit fully to this thing that I’ve said I’m going to do. It’s like a little bit of an escape route. An excuse for if it doesn’t go so well. Oh well it’s because I’m just interested in so many things. Um, but then it’s like, well, right now, what is the thing that I want to be doing? I think sometimes it’s really the distraction to try and think about what is my life purpose. You don’t know how long you can be for here for, quite. Frankly. And who knows? I started my work as a translator and ended up as a finance consultant. I didn’t map that path out. I just took the opportunities that presented themselves. I think it’s really key to be like right now, this is the thing that I’m feeling called to do and to find a way of getting past that fear of commitment, which I think is sometimes what we have in this is, what I’m going to focus on right now and I’m going to do my very best to make it work.
Jessica: I find that it’s like you’re saying this is like your fourth career, life is a journey and I think this is what is significantly changing. And that’s the one thing that I’ve always struggled with is like you go to school, you finished school, you go to uni, you choose your career, and then you do that and then you die. That, that was like the way, like your life mapped out. And I was like, well, that doesn’t sound terribly appealing to me. I don’t want to be doing that. So I have all these things that I’m interested in and I want to wait to incorporate, you know, a lot of these things into my life and now our life has become more of a journey and more people are changing their mind as to what they want to be doing and what people are actually taking action on. You know, go into uni much later so there is like this big change happening to how people are actually living and so people that I know I’ve gone, you know what, I’m 40, I don’t actually want to be doing this for the rest of my life. I’ve chosen this career long time ago, let me go and move on and I’m going to go back to uni. I’m going to study and I’m going to change what I’m doing. And that’s it’s the same in our business. I find most people’s businesses when they start out that is not what their businesses and six months in one year in two years. So it always evolves and it changes and I think we have to go with that flow.
Corinne: I think it’s so important. I think the reason people are changing now, changing careers is because it is easier than it was before: It’s more accepted. I also feel like there weren’t very many options like when we were younger at school, I remember at age 13 some kind of career tests used tell me what I was best suited to and I think I came up with 60 percent that are best suited to a social worker and at the time I was like, what the Hell I want to be a Dancer at that point or meteorologist I can’t remember. Which.
So often we ended up going down a career path that is what our dad wanted or Mum wanted or what was expected by the family or because we are academic, we had to go down the academic route because it would have been a waste if we didn’t or you know, and then you get to a certain age where you know yourself better and you think. I’m not suited to this. This is not, this is not the right path for me or like me, where, I studied accountancy because I could, you know, and I and I wanted to get somewhere career wise, but then I kind of woke up and thought I’m not a natural accountant like this not this is not where my gifts lie. I think it’s the same when you’re in your business is so much noise from other people saying this is what you should be doing in order to get clients. This is what you should be doing to grow your business, should, should, should, but if it doesn’t feel right for you to do that thing, then one, you’re going to fall out of love with your business, which is a disaster because we know how hard it is to run a business anyway. And 2 you’re not going to be using your gifts. You’re not going to be using your talents to the max. So for me, I love doing video and recording videos. Some people hate it, but for me it is the easiest thing and I like writing content as well. You know? I guess coming from that linguistic background, it’s all about the communication, so that makes 100 percent sense to me to focus on video and focus on getting myself in the press over spending a huge amount of time on social media which as an introvert doesn’t work so well for me because I like my space. So it’s about, for me, finding models of people who were doing things in the way that I would like to do them, not trying to mold myself into how someone else is doing it. And I think that is also sometimes where imposter syndrome keep kicking. When we’re trying to be something that we’re not, we’re trying to model ourselves on somebody else. That’s one route. At least the imposter syndrome can pop up.
Jessica: I definitely think that is a really big deal because a lot of it can be comparison-itis. I like to add the itis at the end because it is actually a turns into some kind of disease and it can seriously mess you up if you constantly have to compare what you are doing right now to what someone else is doing right now. The thing that a lot of us don’t understand, and I think I realized that at our mastermind weekend when people went through their business story and their personal story before they started discussing their current challenges and I’m thinking like, okay, I’m comparing myself to so and so who’s had this business for 10 years who has basically done eight more years of experiencing this learning and building an audience, you know, producing good quality work and all of that. They have eight years more connections. They have eight years more everything.
So I think this comparing is a really dangerous thing because there’s one thing having a role model and saying, Hey, I’m going to this person. I have this connection. I’m going to follow them. I’m going to see what they do and how they do it and why and then adapt that to myself. But there’s a different thing about just sitting down looking at instagram, looking at people’s pictures, hey, here’s me being fancy working on the beach. And I’m always like, great. I’ve tried working on the beach. It gives you a headache and you can’t see anything. So if that works for you, that’s awesome. This isn’t me, this isn’t my life. So that comparing is very, very dangerous.
Corinne: You can so easily fall into the trap that I should be working on a beach for me, I’d have to go, but I don’t want to work on a beach for get heat rash. Um, it’s just kinda like, hold on a minute. That’s not my dream. That’s their dream. That’s what they want to be doing. It’s really important to stay aligned with what am I doing this for? What I want to create. I want to be spending as much time riding horses as possible, which meant a lot of people will. I want to do that. Like I have no interest in that, but that is a big part, a big factor for me. But equally like you were saying, so I follow, Brendon Burchard and there’s another coach, Robert Holden. I spend time looking at Robert Holden’s work and I think I need to go and get a phd because that’s what he did. He’s got phd. That’s why he’s so amazing. That’s going to take a long time. Like maybe you should learn from him and at the same with Brendon Burchard. Oh my God, I’m never going to be as big as him when he’s been doing this for like 12 years and he started it in a slightly different era where it was a bit easier to get to build a massive following on social media but doesn’t mean I can’t learn from him, but trying to be like him is where it kind of falls down.
Jessica: It’s a thing of realizing you know who you are. What is your thing? Like what, what do you stand for, what are you trying to do? And I remember we had this a lot on different calls where people were asking questions along the lines of but what, what do you think I should do? And there’s only so far you can get with third party advice. And then the rest, I used to just say like, actually the answers that you’re looking for, you know, you’re reading 100 blog articles listening to 100 podcast episodes about different things and you’re still no closer to achieving what you want to achieve because the answer that you’re looking for, you already have it somewhere in here. But you need to give it the space to actually work out what that looks like for you. So instead of consuming, consuming, consuming, I think it’s time to start looking to what you already have and working with what you already have and who you are right now and then taking on these extra things when you need them. So if you’re saying, hey, my next stage for my business is to grow and this social network. Yeah. Then go out, follow the people who are really big on that network. Buy their products if you need to, but there’s no point to feel like you constantly need to consume something. You need to buy into the next thing, you need to read this next book, you need to buy this next course, and meanwhile I find it makes me feel worse.
Corinne: It does because I certainly look at my bookshelf and take about two years ago and I still haven’t read it. Not to say that I won’t read the books. I always find that I end up actually picking up the book at the exact perfect time for me to be picking up that book. But yeah it clouds your vision of who you are and what you really want. And this is, this is what coaching is really about. The coach should never be telling you what to do about getting you in touch with. Okay. What do you, what do you feel? What do you think is the right thing for you to be doing? Not to say, you know, coaches expertise, that they can’t share it because sometimes we don’t physically know the right steps to take. So if we talk about nutrition or physical health, you know, everybody doesn’t know how to train properly or exactly what’s the right thing to eat is. But it’s about, again, still finding the right way for you. We’re not of all made from the same mold. Sometimes i think maybe it would be so much easier if we were but It’s not like that where everybody is individual
Jessica: That’s the thing with coaching though, it’s like the term gets so thrown around by a lot of different people as their title and then it gets to the point where people don’t actually understand. The work I do with people when it comes to working on their businesses, looking at their strategy that is not coaching because I am looking at what we have. I am problem shooting and then I’m actually giving people advice and putting a strategy in place and that’s not, that’s an external thing. That’s not an internal thing that the person is leading on and I’m not helping them to discover anything that they might be missing right now. So it’s very different.
Corinne: It’s a linguistic thing. So it sounds like what you’re doing sounds like consulting. Yeah. And then there might be others who are mentors who are, you know, this is what I’ve done and I can come mentor you along the way. And then there’s the coach, but I absolutely agree that everybody uses the word coach and there’s nothing wrong with saying I’m a business mentor rather than a business coach or it’s, you know, I don’t know whether the word coach makes things more sellable. I’m not sure. I don’t know what it is or why it is or maybe it’s just my misunderstanding of what coaching is and the term.
Jessica: I just think it makes it very difficult when people are looking for someone to find the right person. And that’s one of the big struggles that I see. Um, it’s people are looking for help but they’re not really sure what type of help they’re looking for. People that talked to me and they’re not really sure about where they’re going with their entire business. And I’m like, well that’s not really for me to work out. It’s like you need somebody to help you to work that out. So for me, it’s taking what you already have and helping you to achieve certain goals and it’s not about those essential questions. It’s more about the practical side of actually implementing that and getting results from that. So, I think that that’s a big thing going on at the moment. So when we look at imposter syndrome, do you come across any other names that people use? I know this is a really common one. I think they might be people that might watch this and think, I’m not really sure if I’ve heard of this before.
Corinne: I think that the most common other term for it would be fraud. I did a video on this a little while ago because I went to a women’s networking meeting that must have been about four or five of us who stood up and were saying our piece about what we did. And at the same time we’re telling everybody that we felt like a fraud and it was just like so, so obvious. I just thought I have to go away and record something about this. Talk about this phenomenon, especially among women are feeling like a fraud or feeling like we’re an imposter and the feeling of “I’m going to get found out any minute” Yeah. It’s, I’m going to get found out.
Jessica: This is a realistiic thing that I’m not who I am saying I am and I’m anxious about everything that you’re doing and I find that there are so many ways in which that affects people. So I have people that get in touch and have this amazing idea and just had a discovery call a couple of days ago from someone that has really, successful local business and wants to take that online and there was all these things coming up about how he doesn’t know enough and, and who is he to be teaching people. So I know that it affects both men and women. I just feel as if there’s something that makes it easier for women to just be able to say Oh well I’m just gonna like not do it and I don’t know if we’re lacking something somewhere to just push on any ways and push through these things. But yeah, definitely. Or maybe we’re just more likely to speak about it. That’s the other thing, because we feel like we can open up
Corinne: Maybe we’re more open about it maybe a little bit ancestral, cultural, societal, and in the history of human beings. It’s only very recently. Well, if we go back to when goddesses were kind of in charge of the world, that was quite a long time ago and then it became patriarchal. So, but under the patriarchal system, which has been, you know, a good couple of thousand years, women’s voices and opinions, we’re just not as valued as men. So I do wonder whether this feeling of being a fraud and being afraid to speak up or being worried that we’re going to get found out. It’s about us. We’re fulfilling new roles and we’re standing up, we’re finally having our voices heard. And if we think about, if we go back to the witch burnings and things like that, if you stood up and showed who you truly were and spoke your mind, then the consequences are pretty severe.
But I do still think that it’s. There’s something, there’s something to be said for that. And especially in corporations, you know, women taking up senior roles, they’re, there still aren’t very many women, especially in the banking and finance arena and the tech arena who are in those senior roles. I know companies are trying to figure out what to do about it. Maybe there’s an element of imposter syndrome that comes in there because it’s just a, we’re like,it’s unchartered territory, we’re kind of leading the way of this generation. We’re doing things that our parents, our mothers didn’t do. It was just assumed, you know, that our mothers would stay at home and not go to work, some broke the mold but not many. I think that’s part of what I think makes imposter syndrome a bit more obvious and a bit more prevalent amongst women than men
Jessica: It comes in waves, right? So you have this time, you’re like, I’m feeling good about this. And then suddenly, like a week later, you’re going to be telling people how to do this and then it kind of you and that validating yourself, if you keep at it and you keep working at it anyways, you will then get that amazing testimonial. I’ll get these amazing results back and then it kind of validates you. They’re like, okay, well maybe I’m not a fraud, and then it takes another week and suddenly you’re back in it. And I’m like, why does this keep coming back? And it’s like, I’ve gotten all these results for people and then still this just keeps coming up and it really impacts how we show up because I’ve had situations where I wanted to record a video and I’m like, Oh, I’m going to do this video. And then I’m sitting down to record it and I’m like no, no, no. Who am I to be done a video on this thing? And suddenly I’ve closed my laptop. I’ve walked off and that video never happened. And I’m like, oh, so you’re not showing up in the way that you’re supposed to be showing up. You’re not sharing all of the knowledge that you have all because of suddenly you have this overwhelming feeling that you should just pack it all in and this is dangerous, like, yeah.
Corinne: Yeah. I think firstly, I’m not sure there’s anybody in life that doesn’t experience imposter syndrome. Also, the more success you get, the more imposter-ey you’re gonna feel. Sometimes it’s, especially if you feel like you haven’t worked hard enough for it or it’s been too easy or it’s been too quick, or you’re like, where’s the catch? You know, someone’s gonna find out that I didn’t work my ass off for this. Um, yeah, you’re going to get found out that you just really not good enough. Um, so I think it is dangerous. It can stop us. You know, I’ve had this idea to create something like five years ago, five years I’ve been sitting on this idea because the underlying belief was, was who am I to try and do this, Who’s going to listen to me and how am I even going to make it happen? I think the key thing with imposter syndrome is just trying to push through is going to get you nowhere because it’s going to be like a toddler tugging at your sleeve. Like constantly like, hey, hey, excuse me, I got something to tell you. I’ve got something to tell you. Um, and it, it really is. It’s like what you resist persists. So as much as this doesn’t sound like a really nice thing to do is really important to actually have a chat with your imposter or whatever you want to call it. Have a chat with your inner toddler, ask it, you know, what, what you’re trying to tell me what you’re trying to tell me because it’s a bit like when we try and ignore the bad emotions. They just persist. Soon as you sit with it and feel it, it kind of moves through you so much more quickly and it’s really important to understand what the message is coming from this feeling of I’m an imposter because I believe anyway is trying to keep us safe in some way. In some way it might not be valid anymore, but it’s certainly it’s come from somewhere that is trying to keep us safe, so maybe it’s ancestral or maybe it is that in childhood, something happened to us once when we spoke up, when we stepped out or when we took a risk and so the programming then in our minds was well, let’s not do that again because what happened is insane. If you’ve ever worked with like a hypnotherapist or a timeline therapist or anything, but the teeniest little things that you’re like, seriously. That small thing has caused these years and years and years of me holding myself back. I mean that could be a route, a route to explore to if you really, really are struggling with the imposter syndrome, but I feel like just sitting and having that conversation with it, meditating on what you’re trying to tell me, what you’re trying to keep me safe from and seeing what comes through. Again, we were talking about how there’s so much noise and we get. We consume so much. You need to give ourselves space, especially when we’re trying to produce – it’s really vulnerable work, what you’re doing when you’re, when you’re creating a business, creating something from scratch, you’re doing all the things. There’s nobody to help you. Um, you’ve no idea if you can do all the things, but you know, you’ve got to do them because otherwise the business isn’t going to work. Um, and you’re putting yourself out there. It’s not, you’re not hiding behind a big corporation. It is yourself and your truth. So this is going to, it’s just why I imagine if you got mostly business owners, the imposter syndrome is really going to be, oh my God, what are you doing?
Jessica: Particularly if you’re building a personal brand. So I think many of us start out having a brand name and I think it gives us something. It’s like a layer of protection. So, um, people just tend to go, right, but I’ve got this brand and we do this and we do that. It’s the kind of language you use. And every time I see that when I start working with someone, I do know that they’re not showing up because on their website, they are WE, but there really isn’t a WE. It’s just not good enough. So there has to be more. We have to be bigger, we have to be something that we think we expected to be. But actually when you show up as you, you have the biggest impact. And what’s interesting, Jessica has just commented and she said that she’s found that this is actually getting worse as the business grows and she didn’t expect that.
I feel like this is something that we all experience, particularly when our business is about to go on this journey from where we started to what you want to do next. And you know, we provide more higher level support. We get paid more for it and that’s like whoa who am I to be writing this amount on my invoice? Like kind of do that. But actually like I’ve invested thousands in training. I’ve learned so much that I can give back and you should be paid appropriately for that. But I still make somebody else press send on the invoice button for like a proposal.
Corinne: I think there’s something really interesting that I’ve been looking at really recently. So I’m a coach that I mentioned. Robert Holden, I’ll send you all the information of all the people I’ve mentioned and stuff. So he has a book called authentic success. He talks about what are your success contract, so stipulations comply with in order to be successful. He calls it your success contract
Jessica I think there’s a lot of it is fear. That’s holding us back, right? It is. And we might not be, we might not even know what kind of fear is or where it’s coming from. And that’s, that’s the hard work. It’s trying to establish what’s actually happening and how that’s impacting us.
Jessica: So, in one of our masterminds she suggested like almost naming that voice that you’re hearing, do you think that is something that might work for people like and then being able to have that conversation if they’re picturing that voice as something they can speak to?
Corinne: I think it depends on the person. So, I actually called mine My inner creature. I don’t know if any of you are Harry Potter fans, but sometimes I have like this little angry disgruntled little elf but feels like running around in my head. And I was like, Whoa, these thoughts are not productive, this is not helping me. But um, yeah, I think, just being able to befriend that inner critic and just, it’s trying to keep you safe it’s possibly like you’re the child within you is still trying to keep you safe or protective from something. And it’s a case what that might mean, and also to just say this, okay, it’s not valid anymore -that fear and you know, I was, I was afraid but of that when I was eight years old, but now I’m grown up so we can move past that.
Jessica: humans are a lot deeper than we think they are. Like we will see that superficial layer at the top and the outward kind of picture. But if it’s not just about that, there, there so much more. And I think so much of it we cannot even explore anymore. And it’s like you’re saying, if anyone that’s done hypnotherapy knows that there’s stuff that comes up that you wouldn’t even remember until that time when you like, Oh yeah, I do remember I was in that situation. But
Corinne: yeah, and you would need, if you’re a member, you would never have thought it was so significant. And this is the thing when we’re children, we experienced tiny things as trauma. Um, and that’s why they made such a mark likes especially pre – age seven. Depends on who you are. And I think, I think looking at success contracts as well and our self image. So if you’ve surpassed, like Jessica was talking about, if you have surpassed what you thought was possible for you. Um, you know, as you, as your business gets bigger and bigger and better, just going to keep on going with you. I know that you’ll ever get rid of it completely. I get that success. They kind of frowned upon successful people, all of these things, we, we take them in when we’re younger and we create these ideas
Corinne: No, and I’m not sure it will go away. Like in this book that I’m reading this authentic success book, he has examples of like Michelle Pfeiffer, Kate winslet. I’m like Danny Devito. All of these amazing, majorly successful. Nicole Kidman is just at the top of their game and all of them admitting that at some point I think I’m about, I’m going to get fired. They’re gonna find out that I’m not good enough really. If people like that feeling it, then we’re in good company. Um, and yeah, I think it’s a, it’s a case of trying to lessen it and almost accept that it’s there. It’s going to be there and have that conversation to say, okay, thanks for letting me know, but I’m going to do this anyway.
Jessica: Yeah. I think that was my key thing. I was talking to Natasha about that the other day, but we all said that we read, um, Do the work and The War of Art and this was the whole thing about this feeling that’s just trying to stop you from actually doing it. But as soon as you’re sitting down and you are doing it anyways, it does just flow out and that that’s the thing. Sometimes those thoughts, the only way to beat them is still continue to do it anyway. It’s particularly when you’re starting a business, you can’t let one of these little things stop you because otherwise he would never get into the point where you need to get to. So this is work that’s going to be really important to do. I was there a period of time, so understanding why we’re feeling like that and then making the conscious decision to say thank you for keeping me safe, but I need to be doing this.
Corinne: Yeah, taking action is a great way, a great way of any kind of anxiety or fear taking actual action is a really great way to combat that. And also those things are allowed to do this that we’ve been dreading doing. They never turn out to be anywhere near as bad as the thinking about them was like, you know, I definitely do think so. They take me five minutes and I’ve been thinking about doing this for about three months and I’m like, okay, totally could have saved myself a lot of time there if I’d just done it three months ago. Um, yeah. I think it’s good to know we are not alone in this.
Jessica: No we are not everyone does that, but it feels big. It feels so overwhelming. It feels like we cannot do this. Like as if you’ve got like this big weight trying to pull you back and you’re just like, it’s like I have to do this like and there are things that, you know, the conversation as well. The other day it’s like I feel like I have to get on video was like, well you don’t necessarily have to, but you do need to show up for your audience in whichever ways, the most authentic way for you. So if, if it’s just video that’s scaring you, then no, you don’t need to be on video. You could work your way up to that particularly not live video where you’ve got no way of controlling what’s going on like. But you are going to have to show up. So if the problem is with showing up and you’re not, you know, you’re not putting anything out there for people to see you and you’re not speaking to people because you’re afraid of something going wrong and you’re not showing up on video. Like if this is a consistent pattern of not showing up, then it’s a problem. It’s not about preferred platforms or whatever, but you do need to show up for people and let them know who you are, what you do, otherwise you won’t be able to help them.
Corinne: Exactly. Like if people don’t know who you are and where you are, then you’re not going to be able to help people and. But then I think it’s also really important that we can ask but help, like there’s no shame in saying like, I, I want to be speaking a lot more and I’m speaking to probably an audience of about 100 in August and that’s the biggest thing I’ve spoken to and I just thought, okay, I like speaking but let me go and work with a professional to help me up my game a little bit to teach me some techniques. We kind of, we go into this business and we almost expect ourselves so like I know how to do all of this. Like, well how do you know how to do all of this? Like did you know you didn’t learn it? You just expecting yourself to how to do everything. But then there were so many people out there who can help you to move past these fears, at least give you some tools and a little bit of comfort that I’ve learned the basics here and also accepting like start – you’re not going to be what? What is the saying? You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.
Jessica: Sometimes you’re just in the thick of it too much. You can’t see what’s going on. So when you have an outsider perspective, meanwhile who was the thing you know at home working and you’re telling yourself that this thing is really big problems and you’re not asking for any help on that. So you’re just suffering with that on your own. And then there’s things in your business that you’ve been looking at for six months and you can’t see the wood for the trees. Like that’s why I always say this like it’s important to have that support network of people around you to help you with all these different things. And sometimes we ask people for advice that are not the best people to ask for advice. Like, my mom has my best interest at heart. I’m a thousand percent sure of that. But if I asked her whether or not, it’s a good idea to quit my full time job to start my business or to ramp up my business. She would have probably not have agreed with that because that’s not in her nature. So she wants to keep us safe.
Corinne: Yeah. And it’s a generational thing as well. Like my Nana, she’s like, what do you have a higher high flying job with all your skills? I’m like, yes, I know, but it made me ill. That’s why I left. So
Jessica: These are the things where in our voices might be coming from these people too. And then asking people for advice almost feeds into that thing again and then it escalates. So it’s, it’s kind of like, okay, it’s about surrounding yourself with people. And I mean, I’m pretty sure some people thinking I’m crazy to be part of a mastermind where you are paying a lot of money to be with those people, but actually there are people who’ve been there and done that. There are people who are leading the way. There are people who are 10 years ahead of me and to experience that and to hear their thinking has helped me tremendously to A) know that I’m not alone. B) know that it doesn’t seem to be going away and they’re just human. It’s like a saying successful people. I’m not scary. Rich people are not scary. Like did. There’s nothing scary about this. There’s nothing bad about it.
Corinne: One of the questions I love to ask is like, what’s the worst that can happen? Like really what is the worst that can happen? Like if you give it, give it your everything and give it a go. Somebody laughs at you maybe or says something unkind. Well that’s just more about them than it does about you to be honest. Yeah. And if we’re so attached to other people’s opinions then that is something else that we need to look at, um, because you know, what other people think of you is none of your business.
Jessica: Yeah. That’s what I’d like to think. Particularly if you’ve been through some kind of experience of people judging you. Um, I think that took me a lot of work. So I was like, oh, I don’t really want to show up. Like it’s just to stay in your comfort zone doesn’t really help. Like that’s why I often say greatness happens outside of that comfort zone.
Corinne: I also think it’s not actually that comfortable zone. Mine isn’t anyway because I’m constantly berating myself for staying in it. So I might as well just step out of it. And you have a different kind of discomfort.
Jessica: And particularly if your comfort life right now isn’t what you would like it to be:uncomfortable job uncomfortable colleagues and uncomfortably low paycheck then what is to be holding on to you? You might as well. You might as well have a go
Corinne: Yeah human nature is to have certain misery than uncertain happiness. It’s the way our brains are kind of wired a little bit. So it does take some work and some rewiring.
Jessica: But we can do at, that’s the important thing. So they want people to get it. It’s like if you work in these kind of things, they might never go away, but things will get easier over time and you will learn that, that every risk that you take, you will go to that. Nothing bad happened in line, but I’m still alive. I used to sweat when doing live sessions and there’s three people watching, you know, it’s a journey that’s taken me about two years to get there. But now I’m like, I don’t care, just like things I’m going to go wrong. So what? We’re just going to fix it and try again. Like, you know, it’s not, it’s not the end of the world.
So I’m aware that our time’s up. So I’m going to be asking everyone one particular question. Um, and it’s not necessarily to do with what we’ve been talking about. It could be at the general thing. Um, what is the one piece of advice that someone’s given you at some point when it comes to running a business, building a business, those kinds of things that’s made the biggest difference to you. What would you think that would be? It could be something you’ve read, it could be something someone said to you.
Corinne: ‘m not sure if there is necessarily one singular piece of advice, but I think just being true to who you are is. Um, it’s really, it’s really the key if you try and do anything especially when you’re setting up a business and maybe get away with it a bit more when you were in an employee position, but you have to be aligned. What you’re doing has to be aligned with the truth of who who you are. Otherwise it’s just, you’re going to get nowhere. At least that’s my opinion. Um, you know, if you don’t have a passion for what you’re doing, then it’s just gonna make it so much more difficult. So, um, yeah, I would say really, really knowing exactly who you are and kind of not settling for anything that doesn’t align with that.
Jessica: Yeah, I think that’s a really important thing and that’s something that I think we will end up expanding on a little bit more next week. So, um, yeah, very interesting. Right? So I want to say thank you for coming on today. I’ve loved talking about this and I know that we can go on for hours because there’s so much depth to it and it’s so, it’s something that all of us experience and it’s very frustrating. So I know that it’s something that people are very interested in talking about and learning how to like find them. This entire thing is. So if people want to find out more about you, where can they go?
Corinne: So I’m like, if I’m on my website, which is www.corinneworsely.com, I’m also on facebook, instagram, linkedin. I’m guessing people aren’t so interested in Linkedin, but instagram, I’m on there quite a lot on facebook book. I have a page and a group, facebook pages is Corinne Worsely life coach. And on instagram just @CorinneWorsely. Um, yeah. So those are the best places to hop over and find me. And I always have a youtube channel but I normally tell people that my youtube videos are going live so they’ll be able to find them from my facebook and instagram pages.
Jessica: Cool. I know you have a freebie for us…
Corinne: Yeah. So that is How to cure your people pleasing, which seems to have been like a majorly popular topic I guess as soon as I, I, we’re working with a couple of corporates on it and I’m doing a talk on it in August and as soon as you say the words people pleasing and I guess that’s what I want to hear about. Yeah. So it’s not done that way. You can take a test to see how much of a people pleaser you are and then to get some tips on how to, how to move through it.
Jessica: That sounds good. I’ll be sharing the links under this video and then when the blog post comes out tomorrow, I also link it all up from there. Thank you again for coming on today. I hope you’ve enjoyed the conversation.
Jessica: Yeah, me too. It’s interesting. And so like I said, week again, same time. Um, so far I feel very lucky everyone that I’ve booked has been able to stick to this time, so that was good. Um, and we’ll be talking to target and we’ll be talking about your kind of, you don’t even get to that stage where your business is stuck and this one point and you’re trying to get to the next level and you feel like you’re knocking your kind of not get anywhere. So how we started just now talking about your alignment and you know, sticking true to who you are. I think that’s going to be something that will be going in in more detail next week when it comes to taking your business to the next level. You feel like you’re finding your head against the wall, like we’ve all been there. So I’m going to be something interesting to talk about. So we will see you all for that next week. Let us know if you have any additional questions. If you’re watching the replay, pop them underneath here and we can continue this conversation in the group. I’m late one and then I’ll catch you all next week. Enjoy the week. Bye